Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
