so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
