Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
