I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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