I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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