God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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