You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
