Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
