For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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