ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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