these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
