I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just cut my nipple shaving
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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