Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
