I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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