So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
