Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
