Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
