i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
