I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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