I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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