Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
