i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
being pregnant is like rehab
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
