Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
