You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
