Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
