your parents love me but you hate me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
