Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
