Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
