Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record

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(256): View more from Alabama

I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip

Fav 26 1425 6081
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.

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(541): View more from Oregon

i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.

Fav 5 2444 904
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch

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(360): View more from Washington

Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.

(253): View more from Washington

you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.

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(314): View more from Missouri

The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.

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(347): View more from New York

Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.

(231): View more from Michigan

Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.

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