He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
