There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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