I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
