dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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