So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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