Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Too much gin, very little bucket
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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