So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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