Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
