The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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