I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
