Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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