420 ftw
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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