he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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