that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
