You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hippo gnu deer
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
