Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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