You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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