we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
