wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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