at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
