So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
