I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
